So, yeah!! KAIRI BATCH 2 EDITS FOLKS
LET'S GO
Remind me: What is this??
Well, like, back in freaking January, I was like "what if I edited some of the things in Dead Inside that really pissed me off", Kairi's treatment being the top offender. This was supposed to be "do an edit whenever, upload it whenever" but as we moved into Kairi-related edits, I found that unless I wanted to severely confuse people, it was better if I uploaded the chapters all at once so the continuity lined up as much as it could.
That was especially the case with this batch, which, like I said, spanned the course of about 20 chapters, all of which needed edits. I definitely couldn't upload this one chapter at a time.
BUT I MEAN, IN SHORT: Kairi edits are made so that she's less "eh whatever" about her friends ditching her and instead super upset, like, a real person.
Specifically for this sequence: it was just really bad??? It was a sequence about Kairi finally getting off the islands and doing things, but a) none of it was in her pov somehow b) it was just, bad, overall
IT TOOK FOREVER, but finally I am done.
Which chapters??
- - > 104, 107, 109, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115
- - > 116, 117, 118, 119, 120, 121, 127, 128
Seeing as I rewrote almost all of these from the ground up, I think they all rule.
If you want to see me yelling about these chapters as I edited them (as well as some other Dead Inside yelling), then check out the di bloggin tag!! specifically, chronological pages 12-21. haha.
Super in depth commentary + changelog under the cut!
Ch104 - Namine visits Kairi, Kairi gets pissed
- some edits to the opening convo happened, in general just dialogue tweaks and clean up. There were a lot of them and they were all really minuscule so it's pointless to bring them up separately.
- I MEAN, a specific and slightly-bigger one, Riku's now totally forgotten that he needed to return to HB and see Aerith and Namine had to remind him, but, hey, that's super legit and super him.
- now Namine's like "well I could take Joseph and Toby home--- oh SHOOT" because, she remembered Kairi. that wasn't a thing in the original, and it wasn't a freak out "oohhhh nnnooo wait how long have i been gone how long did I leave her". initially it was kinda just "well I'll take 'em to destiny islands so they can blow off steam and I guess while I'm there I can talk to Kairi". Kairi is no longer an afterthought. whee-hoo
- "it's been like two weeks tops" PFFFFF,,,,,,,, I mean time passes weird in CO and it's totally fair that Riku doesn't know (and that Namine doesn't know) BUT I'M STILL LAUGHING
- oh rip me???? I completely forgot I added a note in this edit saying Riku barely thought about Sora and Kairi...... I'm sad.....
- another thing different from the original: Namine now has a Secret Plan (tm) for bringing Kairi to HB and from there to CO. I mean, bad things still happen, but Namine makes the decision to bring Kairi regardless of bad things before bad things happen and that's what matters
- Namine talks to Joseph and Toby before saying goodbye to Riku now!!! that's a minor thing tho lol
- JOSEPH GRUMPILY FIXING HIS HAIR AFTER 29 RUFFLES IT IS THE CUTEST DETAIL I ADDED (that I also a lil bit forgot about. some of these earlier ones were months and months ago). Anyway I'm glad I added this it's so good and I love it.
- and of course: Joseph is also in on the Secret Plan (tm) because that rules and also because it's really only a secret from Riku
ANYWAY WE AREN'T EVEN DONE WITH THSI CHAPTER!!! THERE'S MORE!!!
- now instead of just ending at Namine/Joseph/Toby arriving on Destiny Islands, we introduce Kairi in this chapter instead of next chapter! It's for the best.
- Kairi is also now super angry (just as she was in the edits I made to part 1) instead of bieng like "oh whatever~ it's fine~ I'm not mad I know you wanted to be with Riku~~~~" which is, yuck,,,, BITTER!KAIRI IS MY FAVE AND I AM GRATEFUL FOR HER, and of course for these edits
- So yeah 1) Kairi's introduced this chap instead of next chap 2) she's super pissed 3) she and Namine talk and Namine fumbling explains herself
- ((I super love how Namine's like "AH KAIRI-- ah....... wait......... crap". it's super good imo))
- I had to keep the "yup. water's pretty much my mortal enemy" thing because it was an old dead inside classic....... granted I think it went a few chapters later (I don't remember) but whatever
- JOSEPH'S VERY FAST EXEUNT FROM THE SCENE IS ALSO VERY VERY VERY GOOD
Ch107 - Kairi and Namine talk, and also Kairi's dad is here
- Since Kairi showed up last chap, obviously we scrap the bit where she shows up this chap and just start the scene completely differently!! and also talk about a few different things
- Kairi struggling with her anger but making the decision to be a good friend is very important to me, by the way
- OH yeah,,,,, bitter (about Sora) Kairi returns,,,, Writing everything re: her not being able to properly think about Sora thanks to what Shad did (in ch97, which was the last one of the previous batch of edits) was pretty fun!!!! I like all these new concepts I started using for it.
- Now Namine and Kairi actually have a decent and lengthy conversation, and they talk about things they should talk about, and do Friend Things (mainly just prying about things the other should talk about lol) and it's... it's good.
- ALSO: They don't know Sora is in HB this time around!!! Namine drew some pictures revealing that in the previous take, but this time she draws exactly zero pictures! So, they don't know about Sora. That's fine. They didn't need to know about him yet.
- NAMINE MOVES ON HER SECRET PLAN AND ASKS!!! KAIRI TO COME TO CO WITH HER!!! of course they have to stop in HB first, but, the point is, again, that Namine makes the decision to bring Kairi along before bad things start happening ((also initially it was kinda like "I don't care if Kairi comes or not, she just happens to be tagging along" and that... Hmm..... that was bad))
- Now they're leaving a lot sooner than they were before....! And for good reason. That reason being?
- KAIRI'S DAD. There's a scene where Kairi says goodbye to him now and that's importnat to me. There's no real reason I added it besides "I wanted to" but, hey. That's a perfectly fine reason for it. (I love, Kairi's dad, by the way. He's so good and also accidentally became a major supporting character by ATR??? it's fine I love him I really do)
- "look I just really really wanted to high-five someone" was a good one
- for the record: Namine did NOT bring up HB specifically to Kairi before this point!! It made me pause when I read it because I was like "wait shouldn't Kairi know" but no Namine just said "we have to make a stop". So, my writing's fine, but in case your brain did the same thing mine did....!
- ((also it's very important to me that Kairi just casually references Shad, her invisible friend.....))
- toots my own horn I did a real good job with how Shad's magic affected Kairi re: Sora tbh
- anyway yeah obviously none of this is new, but, I'm proud of Joseph's lie, and this scene is all pretty good, I'm fond of it, nice
Ch109 - THEY LEAVE DESTINY ISLANDS!! and also bad things start happenin
- this scene was initially also "Namine feels a stabbing pain in her chest and becomes certain that Riku's in danger" but now it's better! There are a lot of smaller things I'll point out / talk about, but the main thing is just: before Namine felt it immediately and now she doesn't feel it until later down the road. Also again instead of Kairi reluctantly offering to come along (without Namine even suggesting she wanted to come along) THEY WERE!!! ALREADY ALL OF THEM PLANNING ON GOING!!! yup
- so, we start this scene in Kairi's house, in Kairi's room, and we get some Namine feelings on being home again, because this is her home too!! that's important, and good
- I love Joseph being excited about Namine's pictures but I especially love Kairi offering Joseph teaching how to fold paper flowers and stuff. ((Also it's important that Kairi did those things because she's craft-y too!))
- I also think the "oh sorry I called CO your homeworld" detail is a good one
- Kairi complimenting Joseph on his lying skills is also a thing I love
- NOW WE GET TO NAMINE FEELING LIKE SHE JUST GOT STABBED IN THE CHEST BECAUSE RIKU DID!!!! I think it's better this time because I super played up the "wait a minute am I Riku?? am I Namine???" which is a thing I don't think I played up nearly as much as I could have in the original draft of Dead Inside. It was super fun to do.
- the Riku scene at the end didn't get changed at all
Ch110 - TECHNICALLY THIS ISN'T A
- THERE WAS A KAIRI SCENE HERE BUT I CUT IT BECAUSE IT WAS UNNECESSARY,,,, this was part of the long drawn out process of them actually getting to CO and I didn't.... need it, nor did I have room in my pacing for it
- The Shad scene didn't change.
AND FROM HERE ON OUT, BASICALLY EVERYTHING (UNTIL 119) IS COMPLETELY FROM SCRATCH!!!! COMPLETELY NEW!!! WOW!!!!!
Ch111 - they arrive in HB
- they now arrive significantly sooner than they did in the original draft, meaning that no one's found Riku yet! That sure is a thing. ((but, admittedly, made more sense timing wise anyway))
- the only unfortunate bit about changing everything around is that I lose Joseph's "IF YOU DON'T STOP AND TAKE LIKE TEN SECONDS TO THINK CLEARLY I'LL SIT ON YOU" but,,,,, it's fine,,,,
- also another important change: now Joseph and Toby are just here the entire time. Wait they were already here the entire time. I guess that wasn't a change.
- I'm happy for a) Kairi keeping Namine sitting b) Aerith being really nice, and that's,,, it that I don't want in a separate bullet point
- Aerith gets a Feeling about Riku!!! Of course she gets a feeling. I like the pacing of how I wrote it tbh.
- I'm actually just overall really fond of this. I love the HB gang dynamics so much and I'm happy for this chapter. These edits took forever, but trust me when I say I am proud of them, all of them.
Ch112 - healing Riku!
- Obviously, now we're waaaaaay off course from what happened originally!
- Also this chapter is in Leon's pov because there were a lot of Leon feelings and Aerith feelings and Aerith/Leon sibling feelings I wanted to cover that I, well, couldn't cover from a POV that wasn't his or Aerith's, and his made the most sense in the end. IT'S GOOD, anyway, I love it and Leon and these feelings so much.
- I brought it up on tumblr, but here it is for your benefit: you know how a couple chapters back, ch106, Leon told Riku "it's okay. I overreacted too."
You know what Shad got him on? It was this. Worthless, can't do anything, no one can rely on you, etc. If you uh, remember the prequel timeline (or read it at all) then you'd know that this was a thing Leon struggled with in Traverse Town. He felt like he'd completely let down everyone around him. And, well, that's why he overreacted. He didn't overreact about Rinoa. He overreacted because of his own self-doubts.
((NOT THAT HE'S,,, still super doubtful of himself, he's gotten significantly better, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still sting?? So, yanno))
- Small Secret Detail: "What kind of idiot thinks changing his name is enough to make up for all the ways he’s messed up? But that wasn’t—" that wasn't why he changed his name. It wasn't to erase his past mistakes. It was because he felt like Squall couldn't do anything, and he wanted to be someone else. (Specifically, someone Aerith could actually rely on, but hey, that's another story.)
- "rar it wasn't this big of a deal the first time around what gives" I MEAN FOUR YEARS LATER AND A TALK WITH A NOW-SORT-OF-EXPERT-ON-THE-SUBJECT MAGIK meant I figured out that getting stabbed clean through with a Keyblade is going to cause some killer injuries. Like, uh, literally killer??? So.
- bringing up Rinoa here in a more obvious way was something I a lil bit did for ATR, but I also did it to make it clear that while Shad did get Leon on Rinoa, there was a loooooooot more to it as well.
- ALSO I'M LAUGHING AT "so, don't tell her everything that happened today?" "ohhhh definitely not" because Rinoa in ftpverse has an extreme track record of dropping everything else she was doing to help out her friends and it's not like that's a bad thing (nor is it her fault Aerith and Leon keep having terrible things happen to them) It's just, I'm laughing. It's one of my fave running jokes.
By the way, this is probably the best ftpverse post I have ever made:
Ch113 - Kairi and Namine talk!!
- hooOOOOoooOOOOOO BUDDY FOLKS!!!!! Remember that thing that originally happened five chapters from now where they got Kairi to stop thinking terrible thoughts about Sora? Well, now it happens here, now, ahora, with significantly less yelling at probably a thousand times more feels.
- This one was a little bit grueling, but it was a thing I was glad to do!! It actually, like, legitimately made me cry while I was plotting it??
- see: while Namine alone breaking Kairi out of this is Super Good, we also get to touch more on Namine's feelings about leaving Kairi behind (as well as Kairi actually confronts her feelings re: being left behind) and that's Even Better, and so in this it's not just a scene about Sora, it's a scene about the girls, and, it's good. It's so good.
Here's a tumblr post I made on it
- fun fact about this chapter: while it didn't make it in because it happened before the chapter, Tifa asked Yuffie for help on breaking Kairi out of this and Yuffie was like "WHAT NO! NO WAY!!! you always end up getting really mad and yelling I don't want any part of that" and she left
- "as weird as their friendship was, she wasn't going to suspect her invisible friend" just. smiles. at you.
- honestly though all of this is super good??? I like how it feels.
- also the fact that "dance with me" has become a trend for Namine/Kairi dynamic just..... I'm so glad.
Ch114 - They talk about Shad and tell Kairi about Sora and stuff
- where even were we supposed to be in the original draft?? I don't remember. It doesn't matter.
- Now they tell Kairi about Shad!!! I think that probably happened initially but it definitely happened in a different way. It's fine. This way's pretty great.
- There's a lot of things I could comment on here but most of all I'm just super fond of all of Joseph's moments in this chapter. I had to cut a lot of good ones I had for him in the original draft (obviously) so I did my best to make up for it wherever I could, this chapter being one of the prime examples.
Ch115 - A new Sora scene!?
- YOU GOT IT FOLKS!!!! Since the final part of this sequence (Kairi breaking out of what Shad made her think) happened a whole six chapters sooner than it initially did, we needed plenty of content to fill all of the remaining chapters. I mean, it's for the best, because some really neat (and sometimes important things) were able to get covered, and I was able to give Kairi and Riku both some extra time to recover from Things, so it worked out in the end, etc....
- ANYWAY! New Sora scene!! I'm really into it???
- I thought about Maleficent chasing Sora through various worlds instead of just through Agrabah and I determined it was a really good idea. Necessary? Nah. But it's a great concept, and it isn't like it's detrimental to the plot either.
- things I love 1) my Pete voice is pretty good 2) the build up to Maleficent's reveal 3) everything tbh
- AND THEN WE HAVE A SHAD SCENE.....!!! It didn't change much. Initially he was more upset that his hold on Kairi had broken (and he also went back to HB to start initiating all the yelling) but seeing as I'm dropping the yelling part of this sequence, now he just goes "UGH THAT DIDN'T WORK BUT WHATEVER WHERE IS SORA" and it's, it's good. It's also probably more in his character?? Bye.
Ch116 - Riku wakes up!
- this is where the yelling sequence would have started initially but as you know It Got Cut, so, we're moving on to other things!! ((I'll probably upload the four chapters that specifically make up the Yelling Sequence to ASAS, so, keep an eye out for that??))
- Joseph and Toby still have to go back to CO of course, though under slightly different circumstances this time. NOT THAT THEY'RE GOING BACK THIS CHAPTER.... BUT....
Anyway: lot of things happening in this chapter, none of which happened initially at all
- Tifa asks Kairi to travel with her, and Kairi has to think about it. She just reunited with Namine and Riku after all, to agree to leave them on the spot is unexpected
- Riku wakes up!! He and Kairi actually talk to each other!! Wow!!
- WE ALSO! Get Kairi going "Riku you dumdum I'm your friend your business is my business it wouldn't have been a burden" and Riku having his typical wait 404 error people care about me and this, too, is important to me. Kairi and Riku's dynamic is important to me, especially as far as it goes with "Kairi recognizes Riku has some things he's dealing with mentally even if she doesn't totally understand them and she tries to work with him"
and that's that chapter
Ch117 - healing Riku!
- I'll be honest with you: though I am super grateful for where Riku is in ATR and wouldn't trade it for the world, I definitely missed writing him getting 404 errors every time someone expressed concern for him haha
- I'm also glad that even though these edits in general were Super Rough on me in a lot of ways, at least they let me feel things about Riku I have not felt in years?? Writing this chapter was an Experience.
- I probably can't call it canon because I do not remember how Riku's reacted to pain in the past, but I'm extremely into him having a high pain tolerance that's less high pain tolerance and more "well I've put up with significantly worse things in the past so I'm just kinda numb to pain"
- I also got to add something I'd like to add like all over FtPverse but probably won't be able to: Riku's not a huge fan of being touched?? We touch on this in a later chapter of these edits, but it really just boils down to: thanks to Larxene he's Not A Fan of unfamiliar hands on him. Someone touching him without any warning is 5x worse, but this is still something that makes him super uncomfy
- I forgot to bring up Riku's darkness like twelve times, but, I had to start establishing it as a problem or otherwise it wouldn't not just not line up with things in Dead Inside, it'd throw off the entirety of ATR as well, and, Well,
- Obviously it won't happen but Aerith yelling at Alpha Sure Is a fun thought to entertain
((for the record: I did draft what something like that might look like, though it was Leon doing the yelling, not Aerith....))
Ch118 - A Namiku, and Also Joseph and Toby Return To CO
- So this Namiku conversation was like, too important to cut, though it got some obvious tweaks because a) it happened in a different setting than it did initially b) I couldn't, like, physically stomach rewriting some of the old dialogue word-for-word. So. Lmao.
- The main difference like, content wise between the two versions of this scene is now Riku's not smooth and totally calm about all of this, he's a little freaking out. That's not exactly congruent with the rest of Dead Inside, but boy is it congruent to how I know him now, so like. It's fine.
- He's still in the middle of a double whammy 404 error (first Kairi then Aerith and now?? Namine???) and it's mainly just that his brain is spending most of its energy trying to process that so it can't really think smoothly
- THO THEN AGAIN @ YOUNGER ME AND EVERYONE ELSE WHO THOUGHT RIKU WAS SMOOTH: HE'S NOT HE'S AWKWARD LMAO
- "something yanked in his chest but he didn't recognize it, couldn't identify it" BOY. how's that dose of hey people care about you feel reeks
- Here's a fact about me: If I could actually physically dole out the time and the energy to rewrite the entirety of FtPverse, I'd go hard on Riku's plotline to make it more specifically about him learning how to be loved. I'd go hard on him getting 404 errors like this (and I'd go hard on making him actually react like an abuse victim in the first half of ftpverse and not juts the second half lol) because it's so important to me???? Riku coming from the place he came from and learning to be loved is such an important journey and I wish I'd spent more time on it. But alas. At least the story still ended up being that anyway.
((Mainly tbh just looking at it now with my better writing skills I see how I could have made this plotline arc in a lot of good ways and..... sighs wistfully........))
- ANYWAY JOSEPH AND TOBY!!!! This scene happened in the original too, but instead of it just kind of barely touching on everyone at CO's reactions, just kinda had Joseph show up and go HERE'S LIKE A REALLY REALLY REALLY LONG PARAGRAPH ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED and 29 was like..... wait ok one more time
- but I really wanted the scene to be longer and also wanted to get some legit reactions from everyone re: Riku's position soooo here we are
- I initially wanted 7 to be in this scene but a) he only ended up being there for one line and b) he wasn't a major player in the Rebellion at this point?? So.... since he only had one line....
- I definitely wasn't this heavy-handed with it initially in Dead Inside but You Bet Your Bottom Alpha only cares about Riku because he's using him.
Ch119 - Some?? Things???? "Daily life in HB"???
- This was nowhere on the table in the original draft, of course, but I really really REALLY wanted a chapter that was kinda just, describing how life was in HB because a) I care b) to show time passing a little bit?? Riku actually stays like three days (minimum) here so like
- I MEAN A LOT OF IMPORTANT KAIRI THINGS HAPPENED THAT STILL NEEDED TO HAPPEN, TOO, but yanno
- Some good deliberation on Tifa's offer here.
- I really really really wanted a thing in this chapter with Riku where he like, just felt the memory of Larxene breathing down his neck (which would help tie into the events of 128/129) but I ended up putting none of this in his POV so I had to cut it. I mean him just being fidgety in general about various things is probably enough, and the "I remember a lot more about my past than I used to" comment also hints at things even if it doesn't say expressly what's up, so. It's fine? Not as much as I wanted, but, good enough.
- I also spent a lot of time thinking about actually writing a healing session where he ended up having a panic attack and wouldn't let anyone near him and!! Kairi had to come in and calm him down because she was actually the only person who'd ever been around him when he got like this. (Before she and Sora learned the ins and outs of Riku's boundaries issues, he had a lot of panic attacks on Destiny Islands in those first few months imo) --- IT WAS A PRETTY GOOD SCENE and I had a lot of fun thinking about it, but I definitely knew it wasn't going to contribute much to the overall story, and there were a lot of Kairi scenes that took higher priority. Maybe I'll write the scene, though, and toss it in ASAS one of these days? Laughs.
- Overall, though it wasn't a thing I was aiming to do, I'm glad how these chapters set up for the events of ch129 and the reveal of.... Larxene??? It's good.....
- Cid had to give Kairi Sora's necklace at some point!!! Also now she just wears it immediately. I'll edit the ShadKai chapter for that but not, now. ShadKai chapters (124/125) are high on the list but not high enough to be thrown in this batch which was otherwise just the yelling sequence.
- and we get a RiKai scene because listen if I didn't start acting like the main four were actually all friends in these edits then like
Ch120 - Agrabah!! We're out of "Everything was rewritten zone" now
- the biggest (and, only, I think?) change to this scene is that since Sora comes to Agrabah from being on the run from Maleficent, and not directly from HB, he's not nearly as disoriented about things. Of course he's not. Now he's just terrified out of his mind because Maleficent won't stop following him??? YIkes????
- Yeah the middle part of this scene didn't change, but I did edit the end some. Sora still passes out because Darkness Problems, but they aren't directly related to his memory now. Also I cut some of his dialogue that was very much shoehorned in there just so I could get a line I wanted, and, well,,
- Shad scene!! This got edited too, because initially I think there was a rant about Kairi (and Tifa) in here but since Shad actually never went back to HB he wouldn't, like, be able to be mad about that so.........
Ch121 - more Agrabah! And also everyone says goodbye
- More edits like in the last chapter, mainly just cutting / changing some dialogue so it was in line with continuity I established in the previous chapter.
- THE HB SCENE IS NEW!!! Kairi makes her decisions, everyone says their goodbyes, it's cool
- ALSO I GET NAMINE TEASING KAIRI ABOUT HER SLEEPIGN HABITS AND I LOVE
- oh and I establish light corridors are a thing. This was quietly how I figured Tifa was getting around but I never outright addressed it so, yanno,,
Ch127 / 128!! last chapters!!
- 127 didn't get a lot of edits except to make sure it was clear Riku'd been gone a few days and not just overnight.
- 128 got some edits becuase initially Riku arrived and I think Namine was supporting his weight? And since he's not actually so badly injured anymore because he actually took a few days to rest, Namine doesn't need to be quite so worried about him
- Also I toned down Riku's darkness thing a little bit. He threw out more than one large blast of darkness initially but that wasn't quite in line with the Minimal Darkness Problems he had in the previous chapters, so I'm going for a slow escalation ((but still a better "control" of it than he's ever had)). GRANTED THIS IS THE ONLY CHAPTER THAT'LL GET CHANGED BUT, IT'S, FINE,,,, I think it bridges the gap alright.
- and that's about all that got edited to these. I just knew when Riku showed up he was in not Top Quality State and I had to fix that because he actually got a proper amount of rest and healed. editing the darkness things while I was at it was no big
So yeah!!! That's all of Batch 2 Kairi edits!! WHICH IS,,, THE LAST BATCH OF KAIRI EDITS!!! I still have like five other chapters I'd like to look at in this area (of which only three of them need definite edits) but they don't have to be uploaded all at once, and aren't directly related to this section of the story!
For the record:
1) I'd like to look at some of the Agrabah scenes to maybe touch up Kairi dialogue and some of the things she's thinking re: Sora. Also mainly I'd like to have Maleficent's reveal there reflect the fact this is not the first time Sora has seen her in the past few days. Is it still terrifying?? Ohhhh definitely, but now for a couple other reasons than initially. ((this is a lower priority, but happens first chronologically,,, so,,,,))
2) The ShadKai chapters!! Mainly just need to be cleaned up because the nature of their dynamic changed and that needs to be..... reflected........ in these chapters.
3) there's!!! it's honestly the tiniest continuity thing but in ch134 Tifa and Kairi go to Traverse Town and Kairi gets new clothes / a bag, but seeing as she like?? BROUGHT CLOTHES AND A BAG IN THIS EDIT SINCE SHE HAD TIME TO PREPARE,,, well,,,,, I gotta fix that. Eventually.
BUT ANYWAY I MEAN THOSE WILL DEFINITLEY BE WORKED ON ON THE SIDE NOW. WE'RE BACK TO ATR!!!! WOWIE!!!!!
I hope you enjoyed these Kairi edits............. I put so much into them...........................
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