I am
This is the AMV I made for the SoShad battle. Don't worry. the Namiku battle gets one too
all art can be found here
except this one picture of Sora smiling
The rest are recolored manga panels colored by me personally
If you need music suggestions there's the entire mix I made for this battle, or very specifically the songs in the ch231 tag (I hate everything about you, King for a Day, and Props & Mayhem)
Or if you need songs with no lyrics
this string quartet cover of Linkin Park's Crawling (and potentially the rest of the album?)
or Tragic Dragon by TSFH
There's also this beautiful song--The Deer, by Woodkid--but after like the first minute it stops with the somber tone this chapter needs
I saw this Softer World picture... for like... Chell and Glados... like three months ago. I couldn't not. It's so accurate. And horribly painful. And
you can find the original here--and if you want the tumblr version it'll be somewhere in the ch231 tag. sometime. Idk how soon I want to post it because it's sorta spoilers? and I can't put this under a cut on tumblr (tho of all things to be spoiled this is slightly minor and if no one saw it coming I. I don't know what to tell them. I've been talking about SoShad for ages)
Chapter Time
read
tumblr tag
And
Yeah
Shad loves Sora
and I’m not even shying away from it and this probably explains a lot.
especially why I ship them. Because when one character falls head over heels
for another it’s really really hard not to support it even if the love is
unrequited (see: replinami)
And I just think.
it’s really neat. And I’m really really really really excited and in love with
the idea in so many ways that words cannot adequately express
Because,
initially, shad was going to change because of Kairi. she was going to taint
him just as he had tainted her. But someone called me out on it like 50
chapters in and I kinda fell out of love with the idea over time (not necessary
because someone noticed it though)
Plus I got ruined
by brother feels in general and Colin and Cole happened (which I’d initially
based off of Shad and Sora so it was no surprise that they bled back into
soshad)
And I realized
that while I could do this another way, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to. I
wanted so bad for this to happen and I was going to write Shad as loving Sora
anyway why not bring it up
PLUS HIM AND SORA YELLING ABOUT IT IS MY FAVORITE
THING like it didn’t make it in—no surprise—but I had this snippet idea of them
shouting at each other during the battle:
OKAY BUT JUST THE THOUGHT
OF THE ENTIRE SOSHAD BATTLE
SORA JUST KEEPS GOING
“because you lovem e”
“I DO NOT”
“ad mit it you love me”
“I DO’T I DON’TI DON’T I DON’T’”
“just get it over with already and say it you love me”
“I DO NOT!!! LOVE!!! YOU!!!”
“c’mon”
“I DON’T I DON’T I DON’T!!”
And hes jumping up and down throwing a fit over it
“omg what are you?? five??”’
“I DON’T LOVE YOU I HATE YOU I FUCKING HATE YOU”
“glad to hear that but no you don’t”
“YES!! I DO!!!!”
“this isn’t helping your case dude”
“I DO NOT!! NEVER HAVE!! LOVED YOU!!!”
“you’re in denial”
“SHUUUUT!!! UPP!!!”
And gosh it was
brilliant I loved it it was literally the best thought it is literally the best
thought and
And the point of
fanfics are to be self indulgent and dammit I’d regret it so much if this
didn’t go in. I don’t care if the story’s better without it. I don’t. care. You
can’t make me. You can’t make me care you can’t make me regret putting this in
I’m in love with it and the idea because it’s great
It is so great
and I love it so much
BACKING UP I WAS
TALKING ABOUT WHAT WAS INITIALLY GONNA HAPPEN and I got sidetracked
My next idea
after changing it from Kairi being what changed Shad
Is that Sora
changed Shad—Shad ended up bound to Sora, like the wolf is bound to him (an
idea I brought up but admittedly am not going to carry out in full)
I mean, Sora
probably still changed Shad—his essence bled into Shad like Shad’s was supposed
to bleed into him. That didn’t change.
(it’s admittedly
an idea I ripped straight from Stupid Mario Brothers. The darkness—Mario’s
shadow—changed because Mario’s essence, Mario’s heart, was so strong that it changed the darkness from
the inside out and made him mellow and gain empathy and so on. that’s exactly
what happened here)
But somewhere
along the way Shad fell head over heels in love with Sora. I don’t know why. I
don’t care why. Maybe it’s the only way he knows how to articulate his
dependence on Sora. He writes it off as love because he has no idea what else
to call it
Who knows. I
don’t care.
Shad fell head
over heels in love with Sora
He did
He really
honestly did
“Disgust wasn’t
something you could expel from your lungs” hhghansfkjelrjlsdfnntttgddddd that line kills me
Gosh just
all of this kills me
Everything about SoShad kills me
The fact that Shad thinks death is the better option here the fact that he loves Sora so much and hates him for it the fact that Sora has no idea how to process Sora's death let alone be comfortable with the idea of killing Shad
even if it's not in cold blood it being a favor isn't something he can swallow any easier
He just helped his Shadow commit suicide
It's not something Sora's gonna have an easy time stomaching
ALSO ALSO ALSO PROPS AND MAYHEM MAKES ME SO EMOTIONAL ABOUT THE END OF THE BATTLE like it's such a vague song but the one line the "I'm gonna light up this place and explode into beautiful stars" and it
it doesn't seem like a Shad line but it makes me emotional because just the idea of him dying and the emotion in his voice ahhhhhhhhh and the fact that he does technically,,, explode,,, into stars.... ha
Gosh and King for a Day is really bad too because just the whole thing "You told me to think about it? Well I did. I don't want to feel a thing anymore"
Sora tries to talk Shad out of it but Shad's just like NO. NO I'M DONE FEELING LIKE THIS
also there are so many other lines like there is a reason why that song was used for the AMV
"So sick of playing, I don't want to anymore"
"You want a mayrtr? I'll be one"
sighs deeply
(and I don't even have to explain I Hate Everything About You because. It's so obvious. "I hate everything about you. So why do I love you?")
I was a wreck after writing this too because. I mean. I just killed Shad. I just killed Shad. I just killed him I just killed my favorite character and it shakes me up
Sora was shaken up Shad was in tears he was so upset he was so done and Sora was so upest he didn't want to deal with this but he had to
halsjflsjfsdf
I'm still a wreck
This chapter wasn't fun to write
omg
I could keep going with commentary for the chapter but like
I wanna post some pictures
'
this is by paopuart on tumblr who... apparently deleted their blog :(
This was like the only picture I could stand as my desktop background while writing this but..... it's really good...
as for pictures I used in the AMV (all by this person)
I.... I really like this one.... don't look at me
and of course the famous
I actually found the first of "Shad"/Vanitas like aaaaages ago and had it saved to reblog when we got to endgame
and then I went to look at the source and the Sora pic was in the same set of pictures and in context together it's like they're fighting and hahshflsjfdsfj yeah
yeah
I also reaaaaaaaaally like this picture of Vanitas (by karatou) even though it's not even relevant to this chapter
but anyway
back to the chapter
I feel kinda bad
for not letting Shad’s final disappearance be the last bit of this chapter but
the thing with Mickey about Xemnas needed to happen
AND I’M GOING TO
BE HONEST!! I didn't want to do a second Xemnas battle and honestly Riku and Roxas probably could've finished him off on their own no problem but. Kingdom Hearts is still hanging in the
sky. What are they supposed to do about that? It only became a non-issue in kh2
after Xemnas fused with it and they defeated Xemnas
Sooooooooooooooo
Xemnas needs to fuse with it here and there needs to be a second battle
otherwise it’s still hanging up in the sky and That’s Bad
mmhmm
I think I'm going to go lay down
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