SO UHM GUESS WHAT (ch175)

YA'LL PROBABLY SAW IT ON TUMBLR BUT




KH3

WHA-BAM

FOR MORE ON NEWS ON KH3 I HAVE A TAG ON TUMBLR WHICH IS LARGELY NEWS AND ME FLAILING SO UHM
YEAH ESTA AQUI

buuuuuut onto the chapter yay

Also again gonna link you to FAMILY FEELSES playlist because hnnnn family feels

AGAIN the playlist is on grooveshark (8tracks wouldn't have taken it because I've got at least five songs from each artist I swear ha) but the link'll take you to the page and you hit "play all"

the player pops up and the shuffle button shouldn't be too hard to find

and by all means skip "Life Left to Go" it's in there for obligatory reasons ha

also



yeah if you don't listen to this song while reading the chapter/after reading the chapter you need to rethink your life because it's perfect

"Just know you're not alone--'cuz I'm gonna make this place your home"

*flailing really hard*

Also the ch174 tag

and the ffffamily feels tag

are littered with songs but uhm yeah I'm sorry I've got a playlist of 30 songs that give me even the vaguest feeling of family feels so
I mean the ones I posted to tumblr are the clutch-your-heart-and-inhale-deeply-because-hot-dang-these-fit-so-much-it-hurts

but y'know

(psst good news the video works yay)

ANYWAY 

I already linked you to the ch174 tag--tho the notes relevant to ch175 start on page 3/4 ish and are mixed with ch174 notes until about page 6 or so then it should be all ch175 notes.
Or at least until page 8. Page 8 is ch176 notes. So.
(also page 10 on is notes I made while rereading. this tag is a mess but I can't care.)

link to the chapter!!

tiiiime to sort through my notes  (they're all over the place tho, sorry, but it's all relevant just not in a specific order)

Aerith is very physical with her argument because physicality is something Riku understands more than anything else. Because words can be lies. Can be faked can be forced. But you can’t lie about actions. He can see you doing them. Feel them. He cannot convince himself it is a lie because they are so real he can’t deny them

Which is why it’s so sad that he doesn’t understand the concept of kisses and hugs because it’s the best way to communicate affection to him but no one has

*muffled sobs*

Because this is what happens when you’re raised in Castle Oblivion

No one made it through that castle unscathed. Even Vexen admits it. that no one came out of that castle “without trust issues” he says but he means unscathed and unscarred entirely. Because everyone is.

Except Sora, I guess, since he doesn’t remember CO and can’t be affected by it, but everyone else certainly didn’t make it through that Castle unscathed.

IT’S HEALING BECAUSE HE CONNECTS TO SOMEONE ELSE

SOMEONE WHO ISN’T NAMINE

HE’S REACHING OUT

TO

SOMEONE

AND THAT IS HEALING IF THERE EVER IS ANY BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE’S HARD AS A ROCK EXCEPT WHEN HE’S WITH NAMINE

BUT NOW HE’S FOUND SOMEONE ELSE

Because you know he wasn’t close to Sora and Kairi. they connected because SoRiKai is destiny and perfection but they only connected so well because he is their Riku but he’s also awkward because he wasn’t quite meant to be

AND THAT’S WHAT THIS FIC IS ABOUT

IS MAKING THE CONNECTIONS

DESPITE EVERYTHING SAYING NO YOU SHOULDN’T

OR THAT YOU CAN’T

Anyway he’s been cold to everyone but Namine—Sora and Kairi included

But Aerith breaks down his walls and opens her arms to him and he wants—needs affection and love so bad that he only hesitates for a second before curling up against her because she’s someone and she’s someone who knows everything and accepts him—accepts him though she knows his darkest bits and loves him anyway

And Namine loves him too of course and she knows everything and that’s wonderful

But he would never open up to Namine

As much as he wants to, he’d only open up so far, and that’s by accident because he wouldn’t want to dump everything on her because he wouldn’t want to hurt her

I am legit crying

This is wonderful

Btdubs if you’re wondering there’s actually a 9 year age gap between the two of them (Aerith’s 24 and he’s 15. Technically.) And that’s actually the age difference between me and my little sis and yeah idk I thought I’d share because that changes the whole dynamic of this. Well no it doesn’t. the dynamic doesn’t change

But it’s an extra thought mmhmm

I really really love how she always checks to make sure he actually understands her and isn’t just blowing it off because it’s easier to not get into details

Have I mentioned it’s really really super sad because the clearest way to convey anything to Riku is through actions, and yet no one’s ever conveyed affection to him that way before? Or at least not frequently?

Because the things most real to him are the things he can see and the things he can feel

And the realest thing he knows?

Oh, I don’t know

The agonizing pain that came with Larxene’s “punishment” maybe?

And he had no affection no love no nothing to counter that

Nothing that was concrete to him

It’s no wonder he still thinks he’s worth nothing

Silly Riku

Of course it’s Namine's business

Aerith knows about Replicas because Riku talks about them and the way he talks about them he treats them like they are different people because they are and Aerith has picked up on that and she’s met magik’s Namine and she knows that they’re different

Just like the two Kairis are different

REALLY REALLY EMOTIONAL BECAUSE

CAN I HAVE ANOTHER HUG?? He asks and he’s so afraid and insecure and feels stupid for wanting one and that he has to ask but when Aerith’s hugging him he suddenly feels like he’s worth something because someone cares about him and it’s the best feeling ever

Because he’s so insecure and he really truly does believe that he doesn’t deserve anyone’s affection

And he believes that no one really cares about him

Or doesn’t care too much about him

That’s not an easy thing to break yourself out of

Not even after nine months

AHHH SPEAKING OF (NOT REALLY) I JUST RIKU REALLY HATES CASTLE OBLIVION AND SOMETIMES IT SHOWS

and I feel really really awful for keeping him in that Castle for five months but thankfully, provided everything goes as planned, Dead Inside is supposed to conclude in three weeks of in-story time

which is good

OH MAN I'M READING THROUGH IT AND THE WHOLE BREAKING PLATES THING

MAN IT'S MY FAVORITE because Aerith's so appalled at Riku that he thinks hurting himself is a good idea and so she makes him break something

and then "Like I'd let you anywhere near broken glass!!"

because she knows what he can do with his hands alone and she's not just going to hand him sharp objects are you crazy?

(I bet she washed the knives herself later haha she was like "What? No! No we don't need to wash the knives it's cool.")

oh my gosh

And like I said this is the only time we even reference Riku's destructive behavior but he's been like this all week. It's mainly just the thing with his shoulder (heheh) but he also does the thing where he chews is lip

It was definitely bleeding but Aerith pumped at least one Cure (or some sort of healing spell) through him so that would've healed

I was gonna have her reference the bloody lip but it wasn't flowing so yeah

I love when I have running themes throughout scenes

And in this one you have the whole thing about the look lover’s get when talking/thinking about/looking at each other

Because Aerith tells Riku that he and Zack get that same look

And Riku focuses on the way Aerith lights up when talking about Zack

And Aerith mentions how she sees the way Riku and Namine look at each other

And then when Riku doubts whether or not Namine loves him

Aerith just very simply asks him

“have you seen the way she looks at you?”

RUNNING THEME~~

ALSO OMG I WAS LOOKING THROUGH A NOTEBOOK WHERE I’D DONE A ROUGH PLOTTING OF THIS SEQUENCE AND OF COURES IT REFERENCED THIS SCENE AND

I HAD THIS LITTLE QUOTE

WRITTEN DOWN

“What if she doesn’t?”

“Have you seen the way she looks at you?”

AND I SAW IT AND I JUST STARTED LAUGHING BECAUSE WOW I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER HUNTING THAT QUOTE DOWN I WAS JUST LIKE “I AM USING THIS” SO HARD THAT IT ENDED UP IN VERY SINGLE DRAFT OF THIS CONVERSATION

LIKE I DIDN’T CONSCIOUSLLY TRY AND INCLUDE IT

I JUST DID

THS IS THE PART WHERE AERITH "I CAN'T EVEN"-S SO HARD THAT I SORTA CRIED

I wonder if Aerith like spent a good portion of this week thinking over how she’d approach Riku. What she’d tell him. How she’d phrase her argument. The Zack thing may or may not have been spur of the moment, but it was most definitely a last resort if she had planned it. (I said in a note somewhere that Zack was her "last weapon" ha.) She was actually supposed to throw analogies at Riku to try to explain to him how it was a bad idea but I cut them because it was getting long and she was going to talk about Zack because Zack

Of course I doubt Aerith anticipated having to keep Riku from hurting himself, of the knowledge that he thinks no one cares about him, and she definitely didn’t anticipate the whole thing with the other Namine and then panicking about his Namine loving him

But those things

Are so absurd to her

That she can easily negate them

And tell him that those thoughts weren’t true

You never deserve pain

Of course I care about you

You really doubt Namine loves you?

I mean she didn’t think him loving the other Namine was absurd but him panicking so much about it definitely was. Him hating himself. Blaming himself. That was absurd. Scared that Namine’d hate him? Absurd.

She may not have anticipated him loving the other Namine

But it doesn’t come as too much of a surprise to her, honestly

Because she’s met the other Namine

And she’s perceptive

And she could piece together what Shad was talking about and Namine’s actions and her attitude about Riku even if they talked little about him and of course they never mentioned his feelings for her

She doesn’t come to the conclusion before Riku tells her

But it doesn’t surprise her when he does

(btw Can't Escape ch41-42)

IT’S REALLY BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE

HE CURLS UP AGAINST HER

AND

FOR ONCE

SOMEONE ELSE IS HIS ROCK

He isn’t being strong for himself

Along with someone else on top of that

No

For once

Someone else is his rock and he clings to them for support

*pumps up the family feels*

He feels loved

And actually he’s never been loved before

He and Namine have the romance thing going on but that is entirely different from family love

And Riku just wants

Love

Because he’s never had it before 

haha actually the whole "people fall in love more than once" thing is funny because in FF7 canon you can definitely infer that Aerith loved both Zack and Cloud

Zack may have been her first love but then he went poof for four years and she didn't know what happened to him and I'm pretty sure she assumed he ran off with another girl

and you can fall in love

with someone else

and yeah I just thought I'd point that out

HNG I'M GONNA

THIS CHAPTER THO

I JUST

LIKE I'VE SAID A MILLION TIMES IT'S PROBABLY MY FAVORITE

I mean ch129 with Riku telling Namine 'bout Larxene was great and all

but this chapter

IT'S GOT THE BREAKING PLATES

AND AERITH "I CAN'T EVEN"-S SUPER HARD

And for once in his entire life Riku feels properly loved and I just. I'm so. I can't words for all the feels I have about this. It's just so.

and Aerith calling him out on his shit

and the hugging

and the family

and the

I'm gonna start crying again I'm sorry

It's just so beautiful and perfect and family feels and and and adn adsnflasfdjasldfjadslf