Namiku - Dead Inside (part 1?)

art by ~malengil
(originally I wasn't going to do a pic but then I was like I WANT TO DO A PIC so I chose this one because the rest are angsty and technically RepliNami soooo besides this one's cute and accurate awwww)

Theme: Touched by her Hand - Two Steps from Hell

Song: have a full playlist! (I don't have a specific one picked out for this blog)

Protection.

I suppose the first thing you have to consider about Riku and Namine is protection. That is what their relationship started as. It is the core of their relationship.

Riku protects Namine. No exceptions.

Her protection comes above all else. So long as she’s safe, he really couldn’t give a damn about much else, to be honest. Because her protection is all that matters to him.

I’d give you quotes, but there’s just too many. Well, okay, have my favorite:

        “Whatever’s hurting you, I’ll make it go away.”

(also ch89 comes to mind)

And to an extent, Namine protects Riku.

        “I don’t like seeing you hurt, Riku. It makes me hurt.”

Of course, she’s referring to emotional pain in that moment, but… maybe that’s what she strives to protect him from. Because she sure as heck can’t protect him from much else, no matter how much she wants to.

They complement each other. Like the perfect match—not that I wrote it that way on purpose. At least, a conscious effort was not put into making them perfect for each other. It just happened.

But they balance each other out. Namine has kindness to balance Riku’s cruelty. Namine has patience to balance Riku’s anger. She has love to balance his pain.

And that’s become a really center part of their relationship as of lately. Namine is capable of doing what few other people can—she can soothe Riku’s pains, his fears, his doubts. Of course, she’s the only one he let’s see these things, but…

Ch129.

Namine holds Riku through his fears, at the very least. She can’t calm them completely, can’t banish them, but she can hold him through them. And she would. Will. Can. Every time.

“I’m making up for all the times you needed a hug but never got one.”

Ch133.

Namine can calm his nightmares. Of course, she has some difficulty in this chapter, but I’m sure the nightmares were worse this time around for Riku. (She also calmed his nightmares in ch83.)

And we can’t forget:

“I swear, I will be with you forever. I will be there to hold you when you cry. I’ll be there when you can’t be strong. I’ll be there when you need me. I will always be there. Always, Riku.”

And I know I’m quoting a lot of things from Namine, but you have to admit that Riku’s side of their relationship isn’t nearly as interesting. Most of it is “protect Namine!” or him questioning just how it is she manages to do what she does.

But this really is what I think I love most about their relationship. Namine wants to keep Riku safe just as much as he wants to keep her safe. And what she says to him—there is no reason to question why she said it. Not really. She wouldn’t rather be anywhere else than by Riku’s side, especially when he needs her.

Ch137.

Namine can tame his darkness, can tame the monster that is inside of him. Because, face it, Riku has a monster inside of him. (Probably bred and raised by Larxene, to be honest).

But Namine can calm it. And Riku probably needs that.

“You are not a monster. Don’t ever think that you are a monster.”

Ch155.

“And so long as Namine was here to keep offering him her kindness, it would all be okay.”

I just- I cried, writing this chapter. It’s like—it’s like magik’s first chapter of Betwixt and Between. Riku can’t understand kindness like this, just like magik’s Namine has a bit of trouble wrapping her mind around the idea that someone could promise something so wonderful as showing her the worlds without her messing with their memories first.

Because Riku really had a lot of trouble wrapping his mind around the idea that anyone would go this far out of their way for him. No, this isn’t the first time anyone’s been kind to him. Sora and Kairi were perfectly kind to him when he first showed up on the Islands (he doesn’t list them because that was ages ago and it probably slipped his mind). Aerith has been kind to him countless times. Joseph is always nice to him—but Joseph’s nice to everyone, so Riku disregards it. And, sure, even Amaryllis was nice to him, defended him, rather recently.

But no one had yet to go so far out of their way to do something for him. For no other reason than that they wanted to cheer him up.

And it takes him a bit to accept the idea, and when the reality of it hits him, it overwhelms him. Because no one had ever been this kind to him before. And it’s maybe a bit much for him.

He can’t understand that so much kindness could exist because he’s never been offered it. He can’t understand that someone could care so much for him. It really does overwhelm him. He’s only really every understood cruelty—in fact, he probably knows cruelty better than a lot of other people do—and so kindness to this extent baffles him. And when he finally wraps his mind around it it’s too much to handle.

And I’ve probably repeated myself a million times.

So let me conclude with this:

I really think, at the end of the day, Riku couldn’t live without Namine. The world is so cruel to him—he is so cruel to himself—and she is the only kindness he knows. And maybe the only kindness that can keep him sane.

(*sobs there's also stuff in ch163 but i haven't posted that yet so I'm just gonna sob I have feels about Namiku*)