FEEELLLSSS

Warning: be prepared for long rant ahead because this is a long rant I'm so sorry

LIKE

OMG

I know all of you don't follow me on tumblr so it's going here because EVERY KINGDOM HEARTS FAN REALLY NEEDS TO READ THIS. LIKE IF YOU ARE PLAYING THE SERIES AND IGNORING THIS THERE IS A PROBLEM.

Okay?

Real quick, yes, I do have a Journal Dump planned it'll probably be up later today. If I can mess with the timing of it's post, I will see if I can make it posted "before" this post, because this post is a thousand times more important

Because

I was on tumblr

And I was drowning in Riku feels

Riku is a very beautiful character. And that's Real Thing I'm talking about. He is such a beautiful character it's not even funny.

But before I drown you in Riku feels, please go read this and this, which are two lovely analyses about Days and Xion and the relationship between Xion and Axel and aslkfj those are really good too you need to read them

Like seriously

people can get college degrees in studying Lord of the Rings. Not kidding you.

There needs to be a similar thing for studying Kingdom Hearts. Because, despite some of the questionable stuff that's been popping up lately, it has some really deep stuff like omg

Now

Here's the post about Riku

http://rarmaster.tumblr.com/post/47561873921/of-all-the-scenes-in-the-first-kingdom-hearts

I have to link to it because it's really freaking long

but you should read all of it

because it really just reasserts what a beautiful character Riku is. And how twisted the darkness can be. And alsdkfj it's just like I don't have words.

That post is an in depth discussion about Riku and freedom and how the darkness took over him and laskdjf like it is the best thing ever and so complex and it is just beautiful. I can't paraphrase it (not well and you should just read the whole darn thing despite how long it is)

Because that post describes everything about Riku in KH1. His desire for freedom his feelings towards Sora and how the darkness just kept twisting him and twisting him and how it turned the most simple want for freedom into something so terribly dark.

This post

Explains every reason

why, when pressured to tell you my favorite KH character, after waffling between Xion and Ven and maybe Roxas and then Repliku, I will finally tell you Riku.
Because, while Xion is a pretty in depth and beautiful character too (like previously linked to this post said and you need to read that one too I just need to focus on Riku atm), and Ven is among my favorite probably because of his light and it's dazzling and let's not forget just how unique the relationship between him and Vanitas is. Like the two of them are the best relationship in Kingdom Hearts ever, Ventus and Vanitas are. And, yes, Roxas is a pretty cool character and Days is one of my favorite games, and let's not forget how I feel about Repliku. I have many feels about him. And Namine too. I should start doing analyses on those two. Repliku and Namine. Because I know CoM very well, I think, and Namine's a beautiful character (every character in KH is oh my gosh) and she deserves something like this. I don't think I'd do Repliku because my feels for him get in the way very quickly

But Riku. Not only did he see the deepest darkness and fall into the darkest pit and still manage to drag himself back out, his sense of protection. And the sacrifices he makes, often for Sora and it's just-

Here let me direct you to some more Riku feels

this post which I've already directed you to and you REALLY NEED TO READ oh my gosh

There's this interesting look at Riku's character and the selfhate omg Riku was so angsty in KH1 this is a perfect companion to the other post

This post in which I rant about Sora and Riku's friendship

And here's a gifset about Riku and sacrifice which really hits me in the chest

And this post gives me serious feels.

Because Riku.

Riku.

And let me talk for a sec about him and sacrifice.

Like the post about Riku and freedom you should probably read it before you go on with this post said, at the end, Riku gives up the one thing he cherished, his freedom just so that Sora could keep going
.
and then the end of Days

that gifset which really hits me in the chest

a lot of people talk about just how much it hurts them/makes them proud/whatever to see Riku see giive in to the one thing he hated most. To give into Ansem. Just to save Sora.

Like this picture/wonderful cosplay on dA which I've probably already directed you to

Ah... this one

Mmhmm.

And I've gotten sidetracked gushing over Riku.

So I'm going to ground myself to my original point

and link you to this for a third time

And that post

And Riku's struggle through KH1

It is, again, really amazing and so thought out and deep and aslkfj it's wonderful.

And I say in my tags on this post

AND THIS IS WHY I FAIL AS A FANFIC WRITER, BECAUSE I DIDN'T EVEN TRY, I DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO FLIP THE COIN AND TRY THIS WITH SORA, I PULLED IT OFF WITH TEH MOST HALF BAKED ATTEMPT EVER,AND THIS IS WHY I'M ASHAMED TO EVEN LOOK AT FALLING TO PIECSE, THE THREE WORDS MAKE ME CRINGE AT TIMES BECAUSE, I LIKE HARDLY EVEN TRIED, I'M TRING TO MAKE IT UP IN DEAD INSIDE BUT I'VE WRITTEN MYSELF INTO A HOLE, I CAN'T PULL MYSELF OUT OF THIS ONE, IT'S A CORNER, I CAN ATTEMPT, ANOTHER HALF BAKED ATTEMPT, BUT SERIOUSLY IF I REWRITE FALLING TO PIECES, I DOUBT I WILL, IT WILL BE TO FIX THIS, BECAUSE I FAILED MISERABLY, MY SORA DOESN'T EVEN COMPARE TO RIKU, DOESN'T. EVEN. COMPARE.

Sorry it's in all caps. I was having serious feels at the time. Ahaha.

But after reading that post about Riku and gushing about it and drowning in feels

I realized that this is why I cringe--UHOH!! Most of my tags disappeared. I probably had too many or something but the part about rewriting Nothing's Fair is completely missing.

Oh well

It's just

Honestly comparing my Sora's story to canon Riku's-- you just can't. My attempt with Sora in Falling to Pieces is half-baked and terrible and really I'm ashamed to think too much about it sometimes. 

I mean, I know this series was always meant to focus on Riku--Repliku--but.... like that's not even an excuse. the Kingdom Heart's series focuses on Sora. Does that stop them from having an absolutely beautiful side story with Riku? NO IT DOESN'T.

Blegh

Like, really, I cringe sometimes, when you mention Falling to Pieces. Because I think, really, that was the worst out of my series so far.

the Truth Hurst -- despite it's terrible grammar and writing, had a decent and relatively solid plot

Nothing's Fair -- well, this is certainly on my list as a "half-baked attempt" but... with Nothing's Fair, it's like there's not even enough to complain about. 

Also it's higher on my list to rewrite than Falling to Pieces because a) I fix the worst of my continuity errors and b) it's short as heck. 

Falling to Pieces -- while it's plot was... alright... it's execution was terrible. I hardly touch on Sora. What little I do is hardly enough reason to warrant what's going on, and Riku's side of the story wasn't as great either. 

Like, I know why Sora fell into darkness. The problem is I really didn't think it out until after Falling to Pieces, and there's where my greatest flaw as a writer lies

I don't think things through

I slap words onto an idea, call it finished, and move on. Forget if it makes sense. Let's just make sure it has enough continuity to hang on, and anything that requires more than five minutes of thought we can throw out the window!

Don't argue with me.

I know I've gotten better since writing Dead Inside, but, like, just look at Nothing's Fair. Prime example of this. I had the skeleton--just the skeleton--of a plot and I wrote things down and called it finished despite it causing a million continuity errors among other things.

That's how I was writing Falling to Pieces, too. I managed to pull it off with the Truth Hurts. I managed, somehow, miraculously managed.

But, again, I hand you a half-baked attempt and label it Falling to Pieces and move on with my life.

Sorry

I got sidetracked again. Lemme go back to Sora and falling into darkness.

Because, even though I don't have it written and portrayed in absolutely beautiful way, I can at least offer you what I know happened in my head.

See, Sora was in love with fairytales. I can't say Disney fairytales because he obviously couldn't have access to those because of the nature of Kingdom Hearts. But he was in love with knights and princes and magic and things like that. 

And what kid, when they're little, doesn't go through a faze where they want to be magic or a knight/princess? I'm sure there are a few who didn't, but Sora certainly wasn't one of them.

He spent a lot of time. Ages 5-12 at least. Pretending that he was a knight because that was his thing. He was probably an awesome knight who could use magic, too (most medieval fairytales distinguish between the two; you're either a knight or a mage). 

Then by the time of the Truth Hurts, 14 years old, he's grown out of it. He's moved on to other things. Knights and magic will always have a special place in his heart but he's not gallivanting around pretending he's one of them 24/7.

Then Riku shows up.

And Riku has the magic Sora's been pretending he's had for his entire life. It's not a fairytale. It's painstakingly, amazingly, real.

But Riku has it.

(I've already sort of talked about this here but I'm trying to take it a bit deeper)

Riku has it.

The magic, the strength, the power Sora's wanted his entire life. He learns that it's real but, of course, he can't have it.

And so he goes out on a line--takes every risk he can--just to find it. Just to find the strength, the magic that Riku has. Because he wants to be better than Riku. And he definitely wants the magic.

And we can't forget the whole bit where he thinks Riku doesn't care about him. Which, knowing Riku--my Riku, as I've been referring to here he automatically becomes "Riku" within the confines of my fic, sorry--isn't hard to believe. He's Mr. drop-everything-and-make-sure-Namine's-okay.

And I forgot something else. Sorry. ASAS slipped my mind for a moment. (So may I direct you to ch9, 10, 11, and 17 10 and 17 especially)

Because not only did Riku have the magic that Sora's always wanted.

Sora was given a promise. Aqua showed up. And much like Terra told canon-Riku, Aqua told Sora--promised Sora--that there was magic out there. That he could have it. That he could go on adventures like he's always wanted.

And he waits.

He waits seven years.

And then Riku shows up. And cue the whole "Riku has what I've wanted--what I've been promised--and I don't have it yet and I just can't wait."

He can't wait.

And he isn't strong. He's not strong enough to protect Kairi. He's not strong enough for Riku (he thinks that Riku believes him to be too weak and bound to get in the way, as ch17 of ASAS says... or implies at least). 

So he starts figuring out how he can get stronger.

And he starts with the idea of other worlds.

He knows that Riku's been to other worlds, and he knows that Riku's strong, so he connects the two (much like canon-Riku does. Terra's strong, Terra's from another world. Xehanort left, and he's probably extremely strong now. the truth of that statement hurts so much). Other worlds=strength. 

That works. They agree to build a raft, and they get started building it. 

And then Riku decides that they should stop building the raft, for a bit. And it gets to Sora because Riku's making the decisions, and the decisions were made without his input. And it probably ticks him off that Kairi doesn't tell him--because he and Kairi have been growing distant lately and that's probably really bugging the crap out of him--and then it really bugs him because Riku does tell him, but Riku decides to tell him later. To put it off. Like it isn't important.

And to Sora it's the most important thing in the worlds.

Other worlds=strength.

He can't go to other worlds. He can't get strong. Riku doesn't care. Riku's never cared.

Then Ansem shows up. 

(Sorry never calling him Xehanort's Heartless he's Ansem. You've got to be kidding me. He was Ansem first, he will always be Ansem, and I can't tell you how happy it makes me that Riku still calls him Ansem in KH3D.)

And Ansem tells him to find the door to Destiny Islands. Because plunging the world into darkness is a guarantee to get to other worlds. My rocks get shaky here and I really can't go on because again I had so little in Falling to Pieces and it really does suck in comparison to canon-Riku's story in KH1 (and KH1 alone.)

I mean, I'm sure Ansem did his typical Xehanort thing and was like "I need a body. I need a vessel. Sora seems like a good choice."

And I'm sure that he took some time considering Riku. But the thing about Riku and his darkness is that it's been, and was always intended to be, exactly the same. It doesn't change. It can't be warped. It can't be channeled. It can't be tempted. 

(Yes I realize I change that come Dead Inside blegh I know that's lousy writing on my part, but this is what Riku's darkness was like in Falling to Pieces. Shad screws with it in Dead Inside and that's been my reason for it changing. I don't think Ansem would've tried. Especially not when going after Sora was easier.)

So Ansem moves to Sora. Because Sora's wanting other worlds, wanting strength. Just like, as that wonderful post about Riku said, Xehanort was searching for as a child. And maybe that makes Sora his first choice in this case. Because he recognizes the same things in Sora that he knew he used to have. It's not like Riku had any of those things (again referring to my canon just making sure you follow). Riku doesn't care much about other worlds. He's as strong as he thinks he needs to be. He's in almost every way shape and form your worst choice if you were Ansem.

So Ansem goes after Sora. And he probably hands him over to Maleficent, like people theorize he did in KH canon with canon-Riku. He puts Sora in a position where his darkness can be fed. And we go from there.

And I'm running dry. 

I mean I could keep going through Falling to Pieces but this post is getting long and I can't think of anything else off the top of my head. Let me know if you want to see more. (I could probably do something like this for Kairi, too, and could most definitely do something for Riku, but I'd rather cover Dead Inside for Riku because that's more interesting.)

Let me know, okay? 

Drop me a comment below or send me a message. Feel free to drop something in my askbox on tumblr! It's always open. You can use it just to say hi. You can use it to give me your answer on this question. It's cool. Just because it's labeled an "askbox" doesn't mean you have to send me a question.