This isn't FtPverse related, but, who cares, it's still something I wrote, and trust me, you'll like it. Trust me.
If you aren't a FtPverse fan who came here through the chapter commentary link on the tumblr post then let me enlighten you: I post a chapter commentary for every chapter of FtPverse and I figured I probably had enough things to say about this fic so, here we are.
((ATR will update tomorrow, probably, btw))
Here's a really good song I kept listening to get in the mood to write this:
It's good and very NamiKai
(I also listened a lot to this Namine fanmix, which, is also rly good)
Cha--er, FIC TIME!
Read here on AO3
or here on tumblr
tumblr tag
I really wanted to write a take on Namine talking to Kairi about Castle Oblivion, and if you know me well, you won't be surprised when I say that I got a lot more excited to write Namine talking about Larxene than Sora, lmao.
This is a spiritual successor to Dream, Drop, Don't Leave me Behind and I got to play with interaction in the heart space, and that was a lot of fun. That and they-can-feel-each-other's-emotions stuff, which considering SoShad you know I like B))
I kinda??? I kinda decided to write this because there's a lot ways the game victim-shames Namine and this was partially written to counteract that!! I wanted someone to tell Namine that "it's alright, it's not entirely your fault, you were forced to do it" and that she's forgiven and that she did so much to make up for it and she's fantastic, she's wonderful, she doesn't need to blame herself.
I wanted to write something like that and while I'm sure Sora does tell her he forgives her when he finds out what happened, I, I really wanted Kairi to be the first to tell her all this, and for Kairi to be the first person she really believes about all it.
That she is forgiven, that it wasn't all her fault, that she is loved.
That stuff really means a lot to me and of course I jumped on the chance to write this (though, I probably would've regardless of Kairi Week) because I wanted to get it out, I wanted to get it on paper, I wanted to cement to people that in some parallel version of KH canon this happens.
Kairi/Namine relationship is just as important as Sora/Roxas and to have gone so long without Namine being told on screen how great she is for everything she's done to help out really really hurts
She's had so much time in canon to be at least told she was forgiven and I know this is a Disney game and no one likes to talk in depth about abuse but she was abused, at least emotionally, and frankly it pisses me off that the game just!!! Forgets that!!
Sure!! it's been a year come KH2!!! But DiZ (and her responses to him) still comes off as extremely abusive and no offense to Riku but I'm pretty sure he didn't spend much time talking to her about that sort of thing!??! At the very least, canon never told us he did, and that's
It's unacceptable that Namine has gone so long and been portrayed so much as someone so unsure of herself and someone who we don't really know believes she's worth anything!!! Someone who probably still believe's she's just Kairi's shadow, reflection, lesser!!!!! SHE EVEN TELLS ROXAS THAT THEY, AS NOBODIES, AREN'T REALLY PEOPLE AND AREN'T SUPPOSED TO EXIST LIKE SHUT THE FUCK UP OKAY SHE SHOULDN'T STILL BE THINKING LIKE THIS!!!
GOD DAMN I HOPE WHEN SORA TELLS ROXAS IN KH3 THAT HE DESERVES TO BE HIS OWN PERSON THAT HE TELLS NAMINE THAT TOO BECAUSE SHE FUCKING NEEDS TO HEAR IT
okay I'm sorry I ranted a lot more than I anticipated to I just.... I've spent the past five years writing a fic to get Repliku to place where he can believe that he is loved and he matters and realizing that they haven't even attempted to do that with Namine really pisses me off.
The fact that they've totally swept under the carpet how traumatizing CoM had to have been for her really pisses me off.
I wanted to fix it
I wanted to write someone telling her that she is forgiven, she is loved, she matters
So I wrote this fic
And I get that it's terribly Namine centric for something written for a Kairi week but I needed this. I needed to write this. Namine needed this love.
Anyway
Specific notes about the fic itself
For anyone who doesn't know me / ftpverse, I've headcanoned for a long time that Larxene was physically abusive (she enjoys causing other people pain, also the way Namine hunches in on herself whenever Larxene's talking to her or touching her) so that's where that came from
Marluxia was emotionally abusive for sure (not that Larxene wasn't)
Aaaand I've written Repliku dealing w/ that, like I said (here, here thru ch176) but I wanted to write Namine talkin about it!!
And I mean Namine and Kairi don't really talk about it but that's because they don't need to because all Kairi needs to do is glance at Namine's memories to know
I..... did mention Repliku a time or two, I'm sorry, I needed to.
Especially when Kairi's like "I'll protect you from Larxene" because Repliku said that probably a hundred times.......
I teared up a lot writing Kairi's alternate promise, weh.... It was good
this whole fic was good, okay, I love it a lot
I'm not sure what else to say on it okay I didn't keep a running track of my notes but basically I cried a lot about Namine and NamiKai is really good. They need to interact more. Please.
OH YEAH HERE'S A BONUS THING THAT WAS REALLY GOOD BUT THAT I COULDN'T SQUEEZE IN
Namine: you really think I’m brave?
Kairi: a thousand times braver than I am, for sure
N: don’t say that
K: it’s true! i could’ve never done that. stand up to larxene? when you were terrified? and then to marluxia!
N: i was only doing it for sora
K: and it was still really really really brave
along with this
K: i couldn’t have done that if i’d been you
N: yeah you could’ve and you would’ve punched her in the face
K: aaaaand gotten my ass promptly kicked
N: but you would’ve done it
K: alright, well, yeah, probably, but that was still really brave of you okay
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