Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

Friday, January 29, 2016

Namine/Kairi relationship dynamics!!! WHOOHOO!!

Ok so I was having trouble ironing out NamiKai dynamic in my head so I decided to make a tumblr post about it. Since it's pretty in depth, I figured it should get ported over here.

Remember those SoKai/Namiku posts I made, like, four years ago? This is gonna be a little like that. And by that I just mean it'll have pictures, too. That's actually it. The similarities end there.

Here we gooooooo.


art by weissrabbit!

FtPverse NamiKai dynamic

Kairi’s prone to doing either extremely reckless or generally dumb things, either Because She Can or for laughs. Sora, most of the time, is resident “oh my god Kairi no” voice. Namine still provides that, sometimes (she had to learn how to, when Sora was gone) but for the most part her protests are just an exasperated “Kairi……..”

Here’s the thing, though:

Kairi does half the stupid things she does just to make Namine laugh, (because she and Riku will both agree: Namine’s laugh is a brightness in a dark room, is a beautiful sound—and at least ftp Namine does it naturally, frequently, but it doesn’t change the fact it feels good to see her smile)

Here’s another thing:

Namine fuckin enjoys it

She knows when to stop Kairi from doing extremely dangerous things but if Kairi says “I’m going to jump out of this tree and into the fucking ocean” Namine just stops and looks up and watches. She doesn’t egg her on but she doesn’t stop her either. She loves to watch it. And that’s why Kairi keeps doing it.


-


Namine is like the sister Kairi always kinda wished she had. Being an only child has its perks, of course. She wouldn’t want a new mother that would theoretically have to come with the sister anyway. Sora’s a great friend, a close friend, of course he is, and this isn’t even a sort of ~they can do girl things~ which Kairi can’t do with Sora because, a) that’s dumb, b) Kairi had 14 years without Namine, Sora got dragged into “girl things” alright

Namine is another person she can share dumb 3am thoughts with, talk into eating an entire tub of icecream in one sitting, drag out of the house at night just to appreciate the stars or the shape of the moon.

They don’t come up with wild fantastical stories like Kairi and Sora do, but there are points in the week or the day where Namine just kinda stops and looks at Kairi “oh my god I don’t know what to draw” and Kairi will tell her to draw something (often borderline ridiculous, Kairi loves pushing boundaries) and Namine will do it—most of the time, anyway

Often it’s just doodles in margins, or rough sketches, but she does it


-


Namine ends up hanging a lot of her drawings up in their shared room, per Kairi’s request. A good portion of them end up getting taken down after a month or so, some hardly last a week, but there’s one—framed by paper stars and flowers plastered to the wall around it, each that Kairi drew and cut out herself

It’s a drawing of the two of them, laughing and sitting on the dock, feet dangling above the waves

(It’s not the best drawing Namine has ever done, but it’s one Kairi will treasure forever)

Kairi, to Namine, is a steady source of comfort and laughter, especially when Riku is not. (Of course, we can’t pretend Namine and Sora didn’t know each other well, because, they did, just as Kairi and Riku did)

Kairi always knows what to say, always knows when to steer the conversation away from a topic Namine doesn’t like, while Riku is as fumbling and awkward as Namine herself is, even if he fakes cockiness well

Namine never dreamt of having a sister or really had any big dreams at all at the start of her life, but if you think she is only grateful to have Riku as a friend, then you are wrong (perhaps, not at fault, but still wrong). She is grateful to know Sora, she is grateful to know Kairi.

Kairi’s there to talk to her about things Riku would never think of or doesn’t know a damn thing about himself. Kairi helps her appreciate the little things, the big things, everything in between. It was at Kairi’s request she first stuck more than feet in the ocean. Kairi is someone she trusts when she isn’t sure who else to, Kairi is a steadiness and a constant when she is still finding her footing in her first months of life, and later on (being a replica w/ no memories stolen from anyone else is good but does mean you need to have a lot of silly things explained to you.)

She missed Kairi a lot in Dead Inside. I may not have written it that way at first, but listen: she did. Sometimes things happened and she went “man I wish I could ask Kairi for advice”, and when she wasn’t sure what to do she honestly probably just thought to herself “what would Kairi do?” which, yielded, well, results of varying success

(I’m losing it at the thought of “what would Kairi do if she heard my memory meltdowns might be Riku’s fault and I can never see him again if they are? sabotaging the experiment? doing so by forcing memory meltdowns? probably” being Namine’s thought process for that portion of Dead Inside) (Kairi probably wouldn’t have told her to force meltdowns, or at least would’ve told her to stop after like three. don’t overkill it Namine)


-


There’s three months where it’s just them on the islands, no Sora, no Riku. They bond the most then. They are not just Love Interests but that doesn’t mean they don’t miss their boys, doesn’t mean they don’t miss their friends

They help each other fill in the gaps, sit and wait because what else are we supposed to do


-


In those three months, there’s school, and there’s school other times too, of course

Namine breezes through most of her subjects because Replica, though does struggle in history. She spends most of every class doodling in the margins of notes or just, flat out doodling instead of taking notes. She probably gets in trouble for it.

Kairi asks her once for help on math homework. Namine looks at the question and immediately spits out the answer. Kairi asks her why it works and Namine stares. She doesn’t know. She’s a replica. This sort of thing is just programmed in her, she probably has a calculator function buried in her somewhere, right next to the internal clock

"guess I shouldn’t ask you, then” Kairi laughs “it’d be cheating in the same way using a calculator is” and Namine smiles. Then Kairi realizes, what she said, and she just “I’m sorry I called you calculator” and Namine laughs “it’s fine.”

Monday, January 25, 2016

Misc thoughts about the FtPverse main four! (Sora/Kairi/Namine/Riku)

I've made a couple posts about them on tumblr and thought I'd port some of the more In Depth ones or the more interesting ones over!!!

Well, these are largely just posts I've made in the past two weeks, but, STILL.


First off look at this super cool render of them that tumblr user tiduspoo did??? It's so good?? You can download it and a couple other misc renders by them here, or look at their other renders, in general! They do some really good stuff??? Omg.


An intro:

So,  like, Falling to Pieces and beginning parts of Dead Inside may make you believe that they weren't all super close and it was kind of "Sora and Kairi are friends and Riku and Namine are friends and sometimes all four interact, but, lol" and that's!!!

That's wrong.

They all know each other well they're all good friends, all four of them, they are!!! They are.

I don't talk about it much and I don't think I could articulate the reasons they're friends and everything they do together or at the drop of a hat what the separate dynamics are between the four of them quite yet but, just,

Don't think they aren't friends. They are, and they're all really close.



An AU - Kairi stays in CO w/ Riku and Namine instead of on the Islands in Dead Inside

This AU is part of what started getting me thinking about the Dead Inside edit I mentioned in the last post, though it's sort of tied into the current chapter of ATR (57) I'm writing, as well. ATR57 is just entirely a NamiKai, and it got me thinking about their dynamic, and I got mad about, well, Namine not mentioning Kairi in Dead Inside, among other things.

So.

Dead Inside AU where instead of going on a wild goosechase after Sora, Kairi just stays in CO w/ Namine and Riku. What a good idea.

- Namine gets her like, a day after she first arrives in CO. She knows Kairi would hate to be left behind. (Edit: Riku convinces Namine to wait until after Sora's gone, because "Sora just needs some time and then we'll all go home!" except then Sora heckin' leaves, at which point Namine goes "I'm not keeping Kairi waiting any longer---or even, she goes "this is ridiculous, I'm getting Kairi anyway" but when she comes back Sora's gone.)

- Riku begrudgingly teaches Kairi what he knows about fighting, someone teaches her magic, because they’re technically in a frikken war. She's not going to be defenseless.

- Now Kairi’s around to a) tease Riku incessantly b) get him and Namine to both heckin' chill sometimes and c) be there for advice when they both need it, because sometimes, replicas lack proper emotional depth (ha)

Eventually Kairi probably does try searching for Sora, maybe this is an AU where up until ch104 or w/e she hangs in CO vs on Destiny Islands, because honestly I don’t want to lose Tifa/Kairi dynamic 

But, still.

There's this.



Just a SoKai - Kairi's favorite CD

Canon: Kairi has a CD that she and Sora spent months perfecting to include The Best Upbeat Dance Songs ™ and she listens to it all the time, she knows ever up every down every beat every breath every word she loves this CD

Concept: Sora replaces the cd one day without her knowing (either replacing the cd in it’s sleeve w/ a double, or more likely sticking it in her cd player and taking the dance cd out bc she, almost never takes it out) and Kairi goes to turn it on, expecting to hear her favorite song….

Crush 40′s “all hail shadow” blares through her speakers. Sora’s replaced it with a cd that’s just 20 copies of all hail shadow one after the other. she sits up straight. glares at her cd player. screams to the sky “SORA I’M GOING TO KILL YOUUUUUUUUUU”

She hunts him down at Keyblade training, interrupts his session, glares death at him as she lifts up her cd player and hits play. All hail shadow is drowned out by Sora’s laughter as he remembers his prank. he looks too damn proud of himself and Kairi punches him in the jaw. Aqua stands in the background, not really understanding what is going on. She cures Sora after Kairi beats him up tho, so at least he doesn’t have a black eye for the next week

((Alternatively, so you have something more relateable than hedgehog tunes, it's Evanescence's "Bring me to Life" twenty times. 2 are nightcore versions. one is a dubstep that's actually painful to listen to))



All four - OCs!!!!

Important ftpverse fact about the main four: Sora has a ton of OCs and at some point he’s just discussing them with Namine and she starts drawing them. 

She probably makes a few of her own. 

Kairi mentions the two OCs she’s not embarrassed of any more, those also get drawn. 

SORA WRITES FIC FOR ALL THEIR OCS that’s hella important. 

Riku doesn’t exactly appreciate the concept at first and would only take a stab at one OC if anyone talked him into it (it’s probably Literally Him, but, without the crippling anxiety) thoooooooough after ATR he’s maybe a little looser with it, especially now that he’s read a lot of books and just kinda. i mean. he Gets It now.

anyway look the main four discussing and avidly loving their OCs is really important.

Sora even at age 14 was still really into RPing them on the beach. Kairi plays along (she always has). Namine gets roped into it, but doesn't mind. Riku complains every time they drag him into it but he secretly enjoys it.

THIS IS SO IMPORTANT OKAY!!!!!!

Saturday, January 3, 2015

weren't meant to be

Be sure you didn't miss the ATR ch13 commentary!!

I promised to babble about FtPverse RepliNami and this mix, so, here we are~!

You can read ATRch13 (or Remnants ch67) if you'd like, and if you haven't yet you should, but I will admit that this mix serves as more of a resolution for the two of them than the chapter alone does. Or, at the moment, anyway.

It still gives me warm fuzzies, though, to think about this mix, to think about FtPverse RepliNami where it stands---to think it will eventually hit this point, will eventually resolve itself like this. It's not a happy ending together for them, but it's a happy ending regardless. I can't tell you how happy it makes me that one of my favorite ships was able to be explored through FtPverse, and the crossovers, and be brought to this point.

It's wonderful




Art is by mrbenvey @ tumblr--she's got some REALLY stellar art and you should definitely check it out, tracklist is here if you really want it

I'd been wanting to do a FtPverse "Repliku getting over Namine" mix for a while, kinda taking songs like "Over Thinking (acoustic)" by Relient K and "So Soon" by Marianas Trench ((which went in Riku's first Dead Inside mix, and Riku's "I (love)" side of the RepliNami mixes, respectively))

It was a good idea for a mix, but other than that (and more song stolen from the RepliNami mixes) I was really only.... getting... a "generic break up" mix and........ well......

Then I found Arcadia by the Kite String Tangle and I was like "HOW ABOUT MAKING THIS FROM MORE THAN JUST RIKU'S" and after that it started shaping up to be a pretty nice mix, though I should probably also credit that to "Adagio for Strings" by Bastille, because I heard that and was like "wow but that shoulda been in one of the Repliami mixes" but I wasn't sure where to put it, so I decided to put it in this mix

So this mix turned out to be a sorta overall "Repliku getting over Namine" mix, but is in a lot of ways also how I've interpreted their relationship throughout FtPverse, from CoM to now.
Granted, The RepliNami mixes (Lie vs I Love) also are "how I interpret them in FtPverse", especially with their titular songs and "Lie to Me", "So Soon", and "White Blank Page"---I suppose the difference between the RepliNami mixes and this mix are that this one was very specifically made for FtPverse, and covers more than just the events of CoM and immediately after it


Anyway, I wanna break this down song by song now


Friday, July 25, 2014

Totally (not) serious SoShad mix

I kept forgetttttttting to do this poooossssstttt ugh

but




I made a totally not serious mix for SoShad. I'm not sorry in the slightest.

image credit /// post credit 

THIS PROBABLY,,, WON'T MAKE,,,, A LOT OF SENSE IF YOU HAVEN'T READ CH231 so why don't you go do that here

But we're here to go.... in depth.... about all the songs because I got a lot out on it and felt like it should go over here too (initial post from the ftpverse tumblr)

I actually tend to do this for all playlists--or 2/3 playlists and these can all be found on the ftpverse tumblr under the playlists tag


Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Hello there (ch190)

I can't think off too much to say

but you probably want to check out my last post because wow updates



(handy link)

I think it's funny I always have the SoKai stuff finished by the time I'm on a Riku chapter. Heh.

BUT YEAH I made a SoKai mix for my fic! Let's talk about it real quick but here's the tracklist if you want it

Real quick let's talk about it the first three songs are sorta their childhood/Truth Hurts ish but it's really largely pre-Truth Hurts

Like I only chose Dirty Paws for the play pretend elements like it was one of their fairytales and then Forevermore was chosen for similar reasons like if you are even remotely familiar with that song it's entirely about playing pretend with friends it couldn't have been more perfect
(I was a little apprehensive about putting it in the mix because it's already in that near-perfect SoRiKai mix by derazzed and I hate relating songs to two things but I couldn't pass this up)

And then Led to the Sea isn't entirely SoKai it's just I had this headcanon that they both loved the song a lot and related it to themselves and idk it just ended up in the mix

AND THEN THE NEXT SECTION IS FALLING TO PIECES even tho it's a little on the skimpy side but that's just because the only other songs I relate to the Falling to Pieces period involve songs that imply Kairi is mad at Sora but she's not so
no

(And there was Haunted by Taylor Swift I'm just tired of that song tho was there an acoustic version that wasn't too bad?? Oh well)

AND THEN IT'S POOF DEAD INSIDE and. Dead Inside. The last three songs are Dead Inside no more explanation necessary.


AND THAT WAS FUN SO CHAPTER TIME NOW




I forgot Joseph was there initially and this is the result
And by that I mean him asking questions he roughly knew the answer to was the result. Him and Namine playing Go Fish wasn't the result that was just fun.

AND LIKE I KNOOOOOOOOOW HE WAS THERE AND HE WAS ASKING QUESTIONS HE KNOWS THE ANSWER TO but really he's. He got carried away with the questions he does that and Riku adressed it he was literally like: “well yeah answering questions WAIT A MINUTE JOSPHE YOU WERE THERE”

They’d have better luck playing uno with that deck tbh

I KNEW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN EVENTUALLY
(trying to keep them from kissing again gosh dalkdjfsfklear it I knew the moment they kissed once you couldn't get them to stop)

LEGIT THO EACH OF THESE BRAINSTORMS I PULLED OUT FOR THIS THEY NEARLY TRIED AT LEAST TWICE IN THE BRINSTORMS ALONE

“You- you think it was.. special???”
NO FRIKKING DUH RIKU

In which I’m not sure if this is cute or just awkward. Regardless, they’re being awful

Dammit Riku
(to cut it or not to cut it. that is the question.)

I DON'T REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT I CUT but this happened

Oh wow. I didn’t realize I had actions written down here. (funny tho. The actions I was coming up with—without referencing my notes—were preeeeeeeetty much exactly the same)

She knows this because she accidently forced a meltdown on him before. yeah. ch158. Well she didn’t force it on him but he got a lot of backlash from it
Technically it’s why she holds it back so much. Because she has been. She quiets their connection as much as they possibly can so they can touch and not have that happen again!!

Aaaaaahhh I was gonna have a thing where they were like “kissing equals happy memories??” “it does??” “that’s what felt like was going on??” but there wasn’t room enough to justify it because. Anyway. they’d end up getting. Well. “we could. Ah. figure that out…”
AND Y'KNOW WHERE IT WOULD GO FROM THERE but literally tho they kept. Pushing for it and then told me "FOR SCIENCE" like that was a legit excuse *shakes head*

here why not have the snippet:

And, actually, it’s not that weird (she whispers) if- if kissing you means… happy memories. And happy memories counteract meltdowns…
Since when does you kissing me- since when does us kissing equal happy memories? (he asks, super confused)
Well… (she shrugs) That kinda felt like what was going on…
(he rocks back and forth on his toes) We could- we could, uh (and he moves a little closer to her and maybe cups her cheek) find out (he breathes, a little embarrassed)
(she blushes) Well, uh- (she stutters and she’s breathless)
I mean. If you. If you wanna—
Riku.
Hmm?
Stop talking before this gets any more awkward and just do it if you’re gonna
(he flushes and starts to say something only to realize that’s exactly the opposite of what she told him to do so he sort of just closes his eyes and leans in and kisses her I’M GONNA PUNCH SOMETHING)

AND THEN HOLY FRIK THEY WERE LIKE
“does kissing equal happy memories?? ?? LET’S FIND OUT! IT’S SCIENCE
AND I JUST


yeah that was in my brainstorm. Fun.




I was like “let’s give Riku some lines” but then I was like “NAAAH LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT THIS. NAMINE IS TAKIN CHARGE OF THIS SITUATION. SHE AIN’T LETTING RIKU DO ALL THE TALKING BE AUSE HE’S A BOY. SHE’S. IN CONTROL. AND. IN CHARGE. RIGHT HERE.”

Alpha takes off his gloves to read. So he can turn pages. Ye.

NAMINE THAT WAS RUDE HE WAS NEARLY FINISHED WITH THAT BOOK GOSH

Ohhh man tho if he wasn’t payin attention to what they were talkinga bout because book. I mean I’d imagine he was payin attention but if he wasn’t
(later he has to like as Riku “so what was it we were doing again” because he wasn’t paying enough attention to remember everything later omg I don't think I remembered to write that but you can imagine it happened to your heart's content)

IDK MAYBE ALPHA JUST LIKE. IS UPFRONT ABOUT IT. DOESN’T EVEN. Doesn’t even need a prompting he’s just like “yeah so you were forcing meltdowns you nitwit you think I didn’t notice”
(I needed to cpy this down because it made me laugh. It was initially in my brainstorm.)

GO SH ALPHA IS DOING TO NAMINE EXACTLY WHAT SHE DID TO HIM. I’M SO. NOT SURPRISED ACTUALLY but yeah she did that thing where she was really casual and sarcastic with him and he’s doing it back I’m so


Yeah. I guess that's it.

Tho I did have thoughts while re-reading through this that the chapter seemed to be... trying harder to emulate real life which I tend to do but it seemed more prevalent in this chapter. 
Especially with Riku and Namine's speech patterns and the beginning something and then cutting off and rephrasing it (tho some of that is because they were nervous)

And then later what Alpha does with his book how he keeps glancing at it probably reading a line or two because 'cmon he's 20 pages from the end and he turns the page but then he thinks "no I wasn't completely paying attention to that I should reread that when I'm done talking" so he turns the page back
(I've done that before)

And that was it


EDIT: I FORGOT THE PICTURE GOMENNE GOMEN GOMENNEEEEEE


this is by askvocaloidoliver on tumblr (also on devinatART)

OLIVER IS AN ENGLISH VOCALOID much like Rin and Len and Miku are Japanese VOCALOIDS and by that I mean it's the exact same thing just a different language
I perrrrrrrsonally think his english is really choppy and hard to listen to but I'm not sure if that's because he's old (older vocaloid versions do sound really choppy) or if it's because I can understand him and it isn't Japanese where I don't notice the choppiness because I'm not familiar with the language y'know?

Yeah

REGARDLESS I LOVE THE ASKVOCALOIDOLVIER BLOG AND I LOVE HIS PERSONALITY THERE

also if you are curious about any other vocaloid askblogs I should let you know that ask.kagamine-len.com (askkagaminelen on tumblr. It's the same site just different url. They will take you to the same place tho) IS A REALLY AMAZING LEN AND THE ART IS RAD like that's my headcanon Len y'know? (I literally don't follow any other Len blogs. Well I follow one but he's an offshoot (troll Len) that came with an offshoot Rin (RinRin) and I just??? yeah but ask an example I check like five different Rins but only 1 Len and Troll occasionally)

I AM FOR SOME REASON VERY INVESTED IN THE VOCALOID ASKBLOGS OKAY okay *scuttles off*

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Namiku - Dead Inside (part 1?)



art by ~malengil
(originally I wasn't going to do a pic but then I was like I WANT TO DO A PIC so I chose this one because the rest are angsty and technically RepliNami soooo besides this one's cute and accurate awwww)

Theme: Touched by her Hand - Two Steps from Hell

Song: have a full playlist! (I don't have a specific one picked out for this blog)


Protection.

I suppose the first thing you have to consider about Riku and Namine is protection. That is what their relationship started as. It is the core of their relationship.

Riku protects Namine. No exceptions.
Her protection comes above all else. So long as she’s safe, he really couldn’t give a damn about much else, to be honest. Because her protection is all that matters to him.

I’d give you quotes, but there’s just too many. Well, okay, have my favorite:

        “Whatever’s hurting you, I’ll make it go away.”

(also ch89 comes to mind)


And to an extent, Namine protects Riku.

        I don’t like seeing you hurt, Riku. It makes me hurt.

Of course, she’s referring to emotional pain in that moment, but… maybe that’s what she strives to protect him from. Because she sure as heck can’t protect him from much else, no matter how much she wants to.

They complement each other. Like the perfect match—not that I wrote it that way on purpose. At least, a conscious effort was not put into making them perfect for each other. It just happened.
But they balance each other out. Namine has kindness to balance Riku’s cruelty. Namine has patience to balance Riku’s anger. She has love to balance his pain.

And that’s become a really center part of their relationship as of lately. Namine is capable of doing what few other people can—she can soothe Riku’s pains, his fears, his doubts. Of course, she’s the only one he let’s see these things, but…



Namine holds Riku through his fears, at the very least. She can’t calm them completely, can’t banish them, but she can hold him through them. And she would. Will. Can. Every time.

“I’m making up for all the times you needed a hug but never got one.”



Namine can calm his nightmares. Of course, she has some difficulty in this chapter, but I’m sure the nightmares were worse this time around for Riku. (She also calmed his nightmares in ch83.)

And we can’t forget:

“I swear, I will be with you forever. I will be there to hold you when you cry. I’ll be there when you can’t be strong. I’ll be there when you need me. I will always be there. Always, Riku.”

And I know I’m quoting a lot of things from Namine, but you have to admit that Riku’s side of their relationship isn’t nearly as interesting. Most of it is “protect Namine!” or him questioning just how it is she manages to do what she does.

But this really is what I think I love most about their relationship. Namine wants to keep Riku safe just as much as he wants to keep her safe. And what she says to him—there is no reason to question why she said it. Not really. She wouldn’t rather be anywhere else than by Riku’s side, especially when he needs her.



Namine can tame his darkness, can tame the monster that is inside of him. Because, face it, Riku has a monster inside of him. (Probably bred and raised by Larxene, to be honest).

But Namine can calm it. And Riku probably needs that.

“You are not a monster. Don’t ever think that you are a monster.”



“And so long as Namine was here to keep offering him her kindness, it would all be okay.”

I just- I cried, writing this chapter. It’s like—it’s like magik’s first chapter of Betwixt and Between. Riku can’t understand kindness like this, just like magik’s Namine has a bit of trouble wrapping her mind around the idea that someone could promise something so wonderful as showing her the worlds without her messing with their memories first.

Because Riku really had a lot of trouble wrapping his mind around the idea that anyone would go this far out of their way for him. No, this isn’t the first time anyone’s been kind to him. Sora and Kairi were perfectly kind to him when he first showed up on the Islands (he doesn’t list them because that was ages ago and it probably slipped his mind). Aerith has been kind to him countless times. Joseph is always nice to him—but Joseph’s nice to everyone, so Riku disregards it. And, sure, even Amaryllis was nice to him, defended him, rather recently.
But no one had yet to go so far out of their way to do something for him. For no other reason than that they wanted to cheer him up.

And it takes him a bit to accept the idea, and when the reality of it hits him, it overwhelms him. Because no one had ever been this kind to him before. And it’s maybe a bit much for him.

He can’t understand that so much kindness could exist because he’s never been offered it. He can’t understand that someone could care so much for him. It really does overwhelm him. He’s only really every understood cruelty—in fact, he probably knows cruelty better than a lot of other people do—and so kindness to this extent baffles him. And when he finally wraps his mind around it it’s too much to handle.

And I’ve probably repeated myself a million times.

So let me conclude with this:


I really think, at the end of the day, Riku couldn’t live without Namine. The world is so cruel to him—he is so cruel to himself—and she is the only kindness he knows. And maybe the only kindness that can keep him sane.


(*sobs there's also stuff in ch163 but i haven't posted that yet so I'm just gonna sob I have feels about Namiku*)

Namiku Playlist

I don't know why I didn't do a post on this... I should've...

(also expect a Namiku blog in 5 minutes kay? I just have to read through it and make sure it's fit to post)

~

My Namiku Playlist (listen)

       Touched by Her Hand - Two Steps from Hell

       Your Guardian Angel - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

       Gift of Life - Thomas Bergersen

       In My Arms - Dead By April

       Breathe Into Me (acoustic ver.) - RED

       Right Here - Ashes Remain

       Run - P!nk

       Cry on my Shoulder - Overflow

       Not Alone - RED

       Undone - Lifehouse

       In Your Skin - Lifehouse

       Make me Over - Lifehouse

       Goodbye for Now - Two Steps from Hell

       She Is - the Fray

       Anywhere but Here - Safetysuit

~

(also on tumblr)

AND BECAUSE I LIKE HAVING REASONINGS FOR SONGS

here are my reasons for picking out each song/why they give me feels. (It's in very simple terms but breaking them all down?? maybe another time)

Also, hey, I'll give you the line that gives me the most feels, kay? (and there's a * next to the songs that give me the most feels)

Touched by Her Hand

            Official Namiku theme.

Your Guardian Angel

            Riku protecting Namine. Simple as that.

“I will never let you fall - I'll stand up with you forever - I'll be there for you through it all - Even if saving you sends me to heaven”

Gift of Life

            Ties in witch ch133. Mainly in here because of that reason.

In My Arms *

Them looking out for each other, protecting each other, or at the very least holding each other through the pain because there is a lot of pain in their lives

“Don't give in, don't let your, memories break you…
In my arms you'll be fine…”
It was hard to pick a good line… the entire song gives me feels

Breathe Into Me *

            (Acoustic because I like it better and it’s a bit more raw)
            Again, them looking out for each other and stuff.

“And this is how it hurts when I pretend I don't feel any pain - And this is how I disappear when I throw myself away”

Right Here

They’re always there to protect each other, comfort each other, I’m being repetitive but that is literally the core of their relationship

“I can see every tear you've cried - like an ocean in your eyes - All the pain and the scars have left you cold - I can see all the fears you face - through a storm that never goes away - Don’t believe all the lies that you’ve been told”

Run

            Another protection-feelsy song

            “I wouldn't hurt you, like the world did me - Keep you safe, I'd keep you sweet”

Cry on My Shoulder

Namine comforting Riku. Because he’s got a lot of pain, too, and she wants to protect him just as much as he wants to protect her

“You say you're falling apart - Reached the end of the line…
…You just want to feel loved instead of all the pain.”

Not Alone *

            More being there for each other and helping each other through the pain
(This is literally all they do in Dead Inside. Or at all. They are very rarely happy and cute lol)

“And everything's gone but the pain carries on - Lost in the rain again - When will it ever end? - The arms of relief seem so out of reach - But I, I am here”

Undone

I feel this song reflects that hurt/comfort aspect of their relationship (though tbh I don’t remember adding it to the playlist so my reasons for WHY are a little skewed. I mean it fits them but pegging WHY EXACTLY I DECIDED TO PUT IT IN THE PLAYLIST again)

“Tell me everything you need now anything at all - And I will be the one who's waiting anytime you fall”

In Your Skin *

This song is specifically directed at Riku, and, in this case, Namine’s the one singing it. It gives me a lot of Riku feels because it’s all about breaking down those walls you built up and letting go of all the lies you’ve made yourself believe about yourself

“Give in, give it up, you're the only one believing in all of your lies”

Make me Over

            Sort of Riku agreeing to the last song I guess
            (That is my reasoning for it. Tbh though I’m only 50% into this song for Riku but)

“Wrap my arms around your name - Feel your breath against my pain - As I breathe out… the past is gone”

Goodbye for Now

I think this was supposed to be their book 5 theme but I’m also pretty sure I changed it. Oh well. It sounds like it could fit them.

She Is

            Riku realizing how much Namine means to him *cough cough*

“This is going to bring me to my knees - I just want to hold you close to me”

Anywhere but Here

And realizing that he really doesn’t want to leave her. Ever. (And vice versa because she feels the same)


“And when I'm not with you, I know that it's true - That I'd rather be anywhere but here without you”

Thursday, September 20, 2012

SoKai - Dead Inside

yes yes yes, I'm reuploading the SoKai blog. Lemme know if there are any other posts you'd like reuploaded!

I actually do have SoKai blogs planned for each book in the series. Not kidding. The Dead Inside one is the only one I've written so far, though, but I'm sure I'll get around to the Falling to Pieces one sometime, and then there's one for when they're kids, and I can't post the book 5 one until we get to book 5.


















(No who idea who drew this. Found through Google Images, then I edited the lighting slightly)

I know, this picture is the cover for Falling to Pieces (the official cover. The one on fanfic is just a space filler)

Theme: A Hero's Return (Separated by Darkness) - Two Steps from Hell

Song: Hymn for the Missing - Red


Anyway, I think the picture very clearly sums up SoKai throughout all of Dead Inside. Sora's struggling with the darkness, and Kairi's trying to pull him out, but he's just out of reach.

All he wants to do is make it up to her, though he thinks that doing so will be nearly impossible, if it will happen at all.

All she wants to do is find him, to tell him that it's all okay, that whatever he was worried about doesn't matter, that all that matters is the fact she forgives him - that she knows he messed up but isn't mad at him for it.

"Don't come closer, Kairi,You don't want to find me....I'm not the boy you want me to be."

He's scared to be found. Not only because of the chance she won't forgive him, but more strongly because of the fact that he doesn't want to hurt her again.


"I want him back. I want my knight back, I want my Sora back! I need him. I do not care what it takes to find him, I do not care what it takes to save him; I am not just going to sit back and let him destroy himself. It is not going to happen!"

She wants him back. She wants her Sora back. She wants things to go back the way they were. Where he was caught up in his fairytales and it was all she could do to keep up with him. And she's prepared to do whatever she has to do to get him back and keep him.


See, I'm covering this from his side and then her side because most of their relationship right now isn't them together. It's how they act while they're apart.

She's trying to find him.

He's trying to avoid her because he's afraid he will hurt her again.

Even though she wouldn't care.

But he doesn't know that.

That's why their theme took on the name "Separated by Darkness". Because, really, the darkness is the only thing keeping them apart.

And, random sort of side tangent here that I just now thought of: I know Sora being afraid to hurt Kairi is a very small reason as to why he's avoiding her - one that he could probably move himself past easily. But the darkness- oh what was that thing Endrance said? (and, yeah, I know he was referring to a sentient computer virus, but whatev)
"It takes your desires - whether they be good or bad - and amplifies them"
(well, that wasn't exactly what he said, but that's the basic idea)
The darkness takes Sora's want to avoiding hurting Kairi again - which isn't a bad thing to want at all - and warps it so that the thinks the only way to avoid hurting her is to just avoid her completely.

And then, Agrabah--
If the darkness wasn't in the way, Kairi would've found Sora. All she had to do was tell him that she forgave him (which if he had managed to ask about that second chance, it would've been the next thing she said).
But Maleficent was there.
And she ruined everything.


Now, I'm sure I could go on like this using only examples from the fic, but I'm pretty sure I've summed up everything important. So... we're going to move onto the next portion of this blog in which I look at the song I chose.


Which, wondering why I chose "Hymn for the Missing" over my like, twenty other SoKai song choices?
Well, "Hym for the Missing" not only covers both their POVs (unlike pretty much every other song) but the tone of the song fits the "separated by darkness" theme that SoKai has going.


(Apologies, I'm going to do a sort of breakdown again, but it's more... thorough this time)

I tried to walk together, but the night was growing dark
Thought you were beside me
But I reached and you were gone

I gave this verse to Sora, but looking at it now, Kairi's speaking-- no.... Sora. Sora keeps it. Sora tries to stay with her, but he's being pulled away by the darkness. He thought that she'd be with him, but the darkness has pulled him so far away that he can't reach her anymore
Which, honestly, sums up FtP

Sometimes I hear you calling from some lost and distant shore
I hear you crying softly for the way it was before

This line hit me JUST now as I was listening to it. It's Sora still. I'm not entirely sure what the first line implies, because I know it's not literal. He thinks he hears her? Or maybe it is literal, and he actually hears her (which, I suppose if you're floating in the Realm of Darkness-- would it be possible to hear whispers from the Realm of Light? Something worth exploring....) He dreams about her, maybe. He hopes that she's calling for him--
He can hear her crying for the way things were. THAT is what hit me just now. Because she wants him back; she wants back the clueless boy that he used to be, the boy that -- oh Kairi don't make me say this -- that she originally fell in love with.
(please don't let that bite me in the-- oh wait a minute, this isn't Namiku!)

Where are you now? Are you lost?
Will I find you again?Are you alone? Are you afraid?

She knows he's out there, somewhere. She wants him safe. She knows that he's struggling with the darkness - that he's "lost" - but she wants him to find his way again and hopes that it will lead him back to her (and now I'm practically quoting Avatar). She wants to find him, comfort him, tell him that it's okay, help him get through his fears--

Are you searching for me?

He dares to hope.

Why did you go?

She wants to know why he left. Why did he leave her? Why didn't he come back? Why won't he apologize, why won't he let everything be okay, why is he running?

I had to stay

Away from her, so that he wouldn't hurt her.

Now I'm reaching for you--Will you wait? Will you wait?

This is where Agrabah hits home. He realizes that he needs to be saved; that her forgiveness is really all he craves. But he's reaching and again the darkness is pulling him away.
He wants her to wait for him.
He's begging her to wait until he can break free.
Because even if the darkness is trying to smother him, make him forget, he's determined to fight it -- he's determined to get to her again. He knows what he needs now, and he's ready to fight for it.
He realizes now that Kairi is the only one who matters to him. That it doesn't matter if everyone else hated him, so long as she forgave him--
And he has hope.
A very faint hope that the darkness is trying desperately to extinguish.
But he has hope.

I'm going to wrap this up with one last line from "Hymn for the Missing"

Will I see you again?

I think I originally pegged that to Sora, but now I know that it's both of them. Both of them wondering, hoping, that the battle isn't over, that their separate ways will someday cross again and from there never part.

And that's where I'll stop. Because that's all there is right now.
Kairi wants him back.
He knows he needs her forgiveness, no matter how scared he is to get it.
Kairi's prepared to fight for him.
He's determined to break free from the darkness' hold.
But neither of them are certain that they'll see each other again.
Even though they want to so bad.